Recent History

It was July of 2006 when my wife and I quit meeting with our church group in Texas.

I never talked about it, and I'm not about to now. They were/are wonderful, beautiful, christian brothers and sisters with problems and issues just like the rest of us. Every single one of them was an absolute holy mess! And none of those factors should have been greater than Jesus Christ and Him-in-us. But stuff happened. And we left.

I can tell you I certainly failed to do my part. And that's what's on my mind today. Not guilt. Not regret. Just... remembering. For the sake of today.

All three years in that group, I gave myself more and more to my Bible and History projects. I wasn't really investing my life in my brothers and sisters. I certainly wasn't winning the right to be heard. So when the group decided to make some big changes, I had long since lost my ability to have a voice. Fair enough, right? So my wife and I decided to step out and wished them the best.

Of course, it might not have changed much, even if I'd been "all in". We'll never know. But the thing is, I realized what I was doing long before the end. And I still chose the project. I had been hoping I could enjoy the church and give my energy to something else. Some place else, that might have worked out. That time, it didn't.

Same thing happened this year. We moved to a new city so we could "try on" another small church group. Same hope. Same results. No serious regrets. Just... not sure what to do now.

So that's why I'm blogging again.

Years ago I decided "church" should be a place where everyone involved was "all in". I don't really believe in "attending". (Just check out my blog archives!) I haven't been a pew-sitter since 1995 and I dont' plan to go back. I'd rather put on an iron lung for an hour!

If I didn't believe so strongly in this project, I'd throw myself into something, somewhere. But Year-by-Year has claimed my life. At least for now.

What I want... selfishly, maybe... is to find a few people who really care about the PROCESS involved in what I'm doing. Or at least people who are interested in the details. (And that's a tall order. Who cares about Tiberius in Illyricum!?! But, as I've said before, the future version will do those parts more briefly! The FINAL version will be for everyone!)

I still believe in the church. I'm doing this FOR the church, in a long term view. But right now I'd be thrilled to have just a few true friends to share life with. Maybe - dare we dream - to share Christ with! (Call me crazy!) I know "friends" isn't the church. And the blogosphere SURE isn't actual fellowship, but it can be encouraging.

Maybe blogging again could even help my family meet a few christian friends in our neck of the woods... and maybe, eventually, some new woods to move into.

We were not made to walk alone.