I've been getting dragged into house church discussions again (when I REALLY need to be doing my research instead) but I just read a great post on ecclesiology over at Alan Knox's blog and responded tangentially in the comments. My point - the scripture does not describe pastors (or overseers or elders) as the directors of corporate activity. Then I had a brand new thought about things...
If anyone provides leadership in the body of Christ, they do a great thing, providing a wonderful service for both God and the saints. But if someone leads constantly, or exclusively, or holds permanent veto power over all decisions, then by definition I think we need to realize that such a person IS (de facto) "lording it over" the people of God. It doesn't matter one bit whether their style is gracious or domineering. If you give all the orders, or permit all the orders, then you have, in practice, assumed the position of an earthly lord.
For all practical purposes, this applies just as well to a team of leaders. If the Holy Spirit isn't allowed to direct the church into some type of corporate activity through each, any and every member of the body, then you've got overlords. But personally, I do think Ephesians 4 makes an exception for a very young church. Before she reaches corporate maturity, a gathering absolutely needs extra-strong, top-down leadership.
This may not mean 90% of established churches are unscriptural. This may only mean 90% of established churches are wired for deliberate, permanent immaturity. And for overlords.